Guild Roast 01

Guild Roast 01 
[ INTRO — (Quiet, dramatic, then chaotic)]

In every guild, there are legends…
heroes…
warriors…
…and then there’s the absolute gremlins we call family.

This is their story.

Remnant — we roast because we love.

[⭐ CHAPTER I — ZACK THE PRO-STUNNER (Fast rap, comedic timing, hype crowd chants)]

Zack — “pro stunner,” yeah that’s what he claims,

wannabe guild leader?
Mate, sit down — CONE runs the game.

Always distracted,
ADHD on ultra instinct —

but when he actually focuses?
man turns lethal in a blink.

Everyone’s cheering him,
roasting him loud,

he’s proposing marriages
between his family
and Cone
like he’s trying to merge bloodlines for Remnant’s royal crown.

Assassin in training,
forever needing coaching —
Cone teaching him combos
while Zack’s brain is rebooting.

[⭐ CHAPTER II — CHRONIQUE THE REALITY-BENDER (Ethereal phonk, mystical rap flow)]

Chronique…
breath of creation,
events bow when she arrives.

Magic bends to her will,
like time reroutes to keep her in stride.

She never misses—

field boss? pop.
rift spawn? drop.
dungeon timer? top.

She’s writing the handbook
while the rest of the guild’s still trying to read the map.

When she’s in the party,
reality knows to behave —

she’s the only reason half of you
aren’t permanently in the grave.

[⭐ CHAPTER III — MR BLUNT (THE LEGENDARY C— …COMBAT JUNKIE (Hard phonk drop, gritty voice, comedic spice) ]

Mr Blunt —
we’re not saying the “C word”…

but you KNOW it rhymes
and it fits
a little too perfect.

Man’s a legend,
full-time menace,
adrenaline stuck on MAX.

Combat junkie,
charges in FIRST,
healing potions?

Nah bro, those are for the WEAK.

If blood isn’t flying
and screens aren’t shaking,
Mr Blunt ain’t playing.

Hang onto him in PvP
like holding a rabid chainsaw
that occasionally gives good advice.

[⭐ CHAPTER IV — CARRY TURTLE (THE LOAD BEARER)
(Heavy drums, slow hype-building rap)]

Carry Turtle…

the unsung hero,
the tank with the strength of a thousand unpaid therapists.

While everyone’s running around
laughing, screaming, dying,

he’s holding the BOSS,
the AGGRO,
the MECHANICS,
and the EMOTIONAL DAMAGE
all at once.

“Turtle pick up the slack!”
“Turtle tank the adds!”
“Turtle save Zack!”

Mate, give the man a break —
he’s been carrying you lot
since patch 1.0.

[⭐ FINAL CHORUS — REMNANT RISES
(All characters, full guild anthem energy)]

We roast our own
‘cause we love ‘em deep,
in the guild of chaos
family ain’t cheap.

Zack with the memes,
Chronique with the beams,
Mr Blunt in the scream,
Turtle front of the team—

Remnant together,
undefeated forever.

Trojan hearts,
Legion souls,

***We rise.
We fall.

We laugh through it all.***